I Can't Stand Jon Papelbon

Preface: I'm from New York, and I don't "root root root for the Red Sox".

Jonathan Papelbon has been a phenomenal pitcher, probably all of his life, and certainly since he was brought up to the Big Leagues in 2005. BUT...The Closer Jonathan Papelbon, makes me sick. It's ironic that "Big League" and "Papelbon" are in the same sentence, because although he's got Big League heat and a Big League Splitter, everything else he does is Bush League.

Let's start with the little grimace he does on the mound when he stares in for a sign. To me, this look is a complete joke. It looks extremely forced, like he's trying to be something he's not. He seems to be going for intimidation. He's 27, he doesn't look a day over 17, and still probably couldn't grow a beard, and he's trying to intimidate Major League batters with his face? Come on now. The fact that the guy throws in the upper 90's should be enough, right? Not with Paps, everything he does is overkill. As a fan I'm dying for someone, anyone, to ask for time, step out of the box, and just burst out laughing at what a pathetic display of "I'm the closer, hear me roar" the pitcher is trying to exude.

Obviously if someone were to do that, it would admittedly take some guts, because they would run the risk of Craps blowing a 95 mph fastball right in front of the batter's eyes. I couldn't really fault him for that though, but I would have to tip my cap.

Now for what I'll call the Crap Dance. To be fair (at least in this instance), if a guy doesn't give up any runs on the way to saving 4 play-off games, 3 in the World Series alone including the nail-biting clincher, I'll be the first to say he could celebrate pretty much any way he wants. But that doesn't mean I can't ridicule him for choosing to celebrate the way he does. While some might look at Papelbon and see a brash, fun-loving, lights-out pitcher who's got a little swagger in his step, I just see a punk. I'm glad he's having a good time, but unfortunately speaking as a front-row witness to the '07 World Series Parade, it also comes off as forced, not mentioned idiotic.

Maybe it's because I grew up watching the greatest and classiest closer of all time on my local TV, but maybe not. I understand that people are different, Papelbon's younger, and they came from different backgrounds and up-bringings, but that doesn't make him right. The fact is that Mariano Rivera set the bar for how a closer should perform on the mound. Perhaps even bigger than that, Mariano very well could have taught a generation of young athletes how to win, and how to act when you win. Sure Papelbon doesn't have to be just like Mo, but in behaving the way he does, in my eyes, he sets his position back twenty years.

Close the All-Star Game in Yankee Stadium? Please. Terry Francona mediated that one real quick.

The truth is I am surprised that I haven't heard or read more stuff about Craps rubbing people the wrong way. Last year in New York we certainly did about Lastings Milledge, who kind behaves on the same line. The difference is that Papelbons produces, once he stops it'd be easy to see New England turn on the Crap Dance real quick.

This year's Home Run Derby was a great show, the All-Star Game was even better. And while I feel for his wife-no pregnant woman should feel threatened in any way, ever-I do find it a little amusing that the only one who didn't have a good time was ol' Jon-boy. Yes you want to share these moments with your loved-ones, but in retrospect it doesn't seem like the wisest of moves.

Then again, no one talks about how wise he is...